Dear Santa…

This is yet another email I am sending to you. I somehow cannot give up on hope, nearly thirty years on.

How have you been?

Did you read the “Prevent Diabetes Today!” leaflet I sent to you last month? Don’t take it personally, I just saw your picture on a tin of candies. You obviously put on a little weight, didn’t you? Here is an idea for a New Year resolution 🙂

On the other hand, some diet and exercise may work miracles, especially now when you’ve found your second half. Huh! How do I know about it?

The other week some lady aged around 60 said she liked my scarf very much. It was the one you got me for last Christmas, remember? When I said I got it from you, her eyes sparkled and she smiled kindly. I am not easy to fool, so I caught the drift.

Please tell me, is it very difficult to maintain such a long distance relationship?

Anyway, as usual, please find attached a signed list of all my good deeds for 2010 (plus the last week of 2009). Last year’s lot was sent to you via email, I am afraid ‘good deeds09.xls’ bounced back to me. I realised that only this month.

I assume the recession must have hit your pocket too. Therefore I kept my wish list is as short as possible. BTW, are you cutting heads and employ fewer helpers now?

I also hope you didn’t switch to airways. The airports are not very reliable at the moment to be honest, even though the tickets are sometimes dirt-cheap.

I must admit last Christmas you caused a little confusion to some of my friends. A lot of their presents were not signed at all! They didn’t know exactly which gift is meant for whom. It was ok with me, but some seemed really embarrassed.

If you need a list of template translations of the phrase: “from Santa to …” then just drop me a line and we will produce it for you at K International.

PS. The book I requested this year (i.e. “Lapland Inside Out”, new edition) is quite urgent. I have a feeling the publisher may run out of copies due to the massive demand. I’d suggest you place the order ASAP from your smartphone app. You’re probably on your way at the moment, away from the laptop.

If you ask me why this book, I’d like to come over to Lapland sometimes next month. I would rather not cause any shock to you by suddenly appearing at your door. It might be dangerous for someone your age…

I look forward hearing from you very (very!) soon.

Merry Christmas!

Your beloved Konrad.

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