Thank you for all your correspondence sent to me.
In the first place, I hope you liked the Christmas presents I got you for 2010.
I regret to say it but I was unable to give you the metal pin slingshot, nor the indoor fireworks set. Those items are listed as hazardous and mustn’t be distributed…
I truly appreciate your concern about my health. Nevertheless I am not intending to shed a pound. To be honest, I have always been a little … fleshy if you like. Times are changing and i know people expect celebrities to look like sticks these days but “Thank God” I don’t live in Hollywood, so no need for me to slim down!
Each time I go to LA, I wonder when I’ll see an A4-size picture of my behind with a tear in my red trousers, flashing at me from a cover of a glossy mag. And believe me it is not easy to sneak away from paparazzi when getting off my sleigh or climbing up a chimney.
I read in your email you have plans to pay me a visit, please abandon them.
I hope it is not going to hurt you. It is just that I work long hours preparing for the next Christmas and don’t really let in any guests. Unless you work for Home Office, hohoho!
Not to worry though, there is a chap coming over to your town around Christmas time, you can arrange an appointment with him at your local shopping mall. He is my look-alike and you cannot get any closer than that to be frank.
Let’s talk business now, about the template translations of the phrase: “from Santa to …”. Can you please give me a quote for it translated into 150 languages? I don’t know why on earth I never thought about it before. I somehow assumed the tickets will be filled in by the adults accordingly … passing the buck doesn’t seem to work obviously.
One of my helpers will contact K International regarding the above mentioned quote, so be prepared!
Many thanks again and don’t forget to be a good boy in 2011 if you expect anything for next Christmas 😉
Your beloved Santa