Enter the Geek World

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I think the best way to start this post is to tell a bit more about my high school experience as I believe I was the not-perfect-but-close incarnation of what we call affectionately a geek, nerd or dork according to your preference. Of course, at the time, I thought I was pretty cool, not as popular as the footballers or cheerleaders that you can see in all American movies but still. I was only wearing Quicksilver (you know the brand!) and never giving up on Vans for my feet, pretending to be part of the skaters crew, or with lot of imagination, the surfers one. Unfortunately, I never had any talent whatsoever to ride a board…maybe with a lot of practice, I could do it but at this time, I was more into watching other people do it than actually try! So, yeah, I wasn’t going to become Tony Hawk or Kelly Slater anytime soon.

Despite this, I still had a bunch of friends, well if you consider that 2 is a “bunch” of course, though it’s more than 1 by definition. For my defence, it was hard to make friends in Maths or Physics classes because there were only so many girls in it. Concerning the guys, well, I didn’t want to end up in Maths or Chest clubs just yet, my dad already set up a one-member-only-club for me anyway every Saturday morning, so I thought it was too much commitment to join 2. Speaking of my dad, he is part of the reason of my non-social life in high school as I was not allowed to do anything really except working on my Maths and Physics problems, though, at rare occasions, I had the huge chance to learn the subject in “real” when he needed me to help him to sort out the electricity of our house.

Priceless moments as you can imagine, I know deeply you are jealous! Don’t worry you guys, I can call my dad anytime for you and arrange a session. Let me know. 😉

I exaggerate a bit though, I still had free time at some point which I filled by watching the whole Star Wars series, Weird Science (for those of you who remember), Sliders, V and Stargate. I can’t blame anyone for that because I do love them, not as much now as I used to, but still…I even have a Star Wars jumper hidden in my closet but shush. For so long, the term “geek” has had a negative connotation and people would exclude them from their circles because they thought they were way cooler than those Maths weird looking kids.

But now, everything is different, they are trying to copy their unique fashion styles, learning about computers and enter the best schools of the country. After all, who wouldn’t want to be Steve Jobs, Bill gates or Mark Zuckerberg? Yeah, it’s what I thought, Geek is cool dude!

Because I’m pretty sure that after this, you want to be part of the Geek crew too, I found some electronic/computers geek style terms. Hope you will learn and use them with dexterity! Enjoy and see you on the other side…

Alpha Geek:
The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. “Ask Larry, he’s the alpha geek around here.”

The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

Blowing Your Buffer:
Losing one’s train of thought. Occurs when the person you are speaking with won’t let you get a word in edgewise or has just said something so astonishing that your train gets derailed. “Damn, I just blew my buffer!”

The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

CGI Joe:
A hard-core CGI script programmer with all the social skills and charisma of a plastic action figure.

A badly written or profoundly useless Java applet. “I just wasted 30 minutes downloading this stinkin’ crapplet!”

Cube Farm:
An office filled with cubicles.

Fear associated with entering a Home Depot because of how much money one might spend. Electronics geeks experience Shackophobia.

To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. “I’ve been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week.”

Elvis Year:
The peak year of something’s popularity. “Barney the dinosaur’s Elvis year was 1993.”

Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is. “We were so lost in generica, I actually forgot what city we were in.”

Corporate-speak for sleeping with your eyes open. A popular pastime at conferences and early-morning meetings. “Didn’t he notice that half the room was glazing by the second session?”

Gray Matter:
Older, experienced business people hired by young entrepreneurial firms looking to appear more reputable and established.

Terminal coolness.

Idea Hamsters:
People who always seem to have their idea generators running.

Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying, but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example..

It’s a Feature:
From the adage “It’s not a bug, it’s a feature.” Used sarcastically to describe an unpleasant experience that you wish to gloss over.

Keyboard Plaque:
The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards. “Are there any other terminals I can use? This one has a bad case of keyboard plaque.”

A painful inability to move relatives who come to visit.

An idea that keeps floating into your head and prevents you from drifting off to sleep.

Mouse Potato:
The online, wired generation’s answer to the couch potato.

That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you’ve just made a big mistake.

Open-Collar Workers:
People who work at home or telecommute.

Tech support shorthand for “Problem Exists Between Chair and Keyboard.” Techies are a frustrated, often arrogant lot. They’ve submitted numerous acronyms and terms that poke fun at the clueless users who call them up with frighteningly stupid questions. Another variation on the above is ID10T: “This guy has an ID-Ten-T on his system.”

Percussive Maintenance:
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

Prairie Dogging:
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cubefarm, and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on.

Salmon Day:
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed in the end.

The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn’t get it.

Seagull Manager:
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps all over everything and then leaves.

Square-headed Girlfriend:
Another word for a computer. The victim of a square-headed girlfriend is a “computer widow.”

Starter Marriage:
A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.

Stress Puppy:
A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material.

World Wide Wait:
The real meaning of WWW.

Yuppie Food Stamps:
The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal: “We all owe $8 each, but all anybody’s got is yuppie food stamps.”

Xerox Subsidy:
Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one’s workplace.